Four Parts:
You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting
with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True
self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize
you are a human being who is worthy of respect and love. If you want to know how to start building your self-confidence
today, see Step 1 to get started.
Part 1 of 3: Changing Your
Perspective
1 Identify your talents.
Everyone is
good at something, so discover the things at which you excel,
and then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to
take pride in them. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared
yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, or dance. Find
something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can
develop and excel in yours. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life
will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of
meeting compatible friends.[1]
·
If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some
ability in or just plain loveto do, think
about things others do that you would like to do too and take somelessons or join an enthusiasts
club.
·
When you're following your passion, not only will it have a
therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can
help build your self confidence.
2 Take pride in your good qualities.
Not only should
you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about
the things that make your personality great. It can be your sense of humor,
your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to cope under
stress. You may not think that there's anything about your personality worth
admiring, but if you dig deep, you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable
qualities. Revel in them and write them down. You'll be on your way to building
your self-confidence.
Whenever you
feel bad about one of your weaknesses, comfort yourself by thinking about all
of the positive qualities about yourself. You'll see that they far outweigh the
things you are insecure about.
3 Recognize your insecurities.
What does that
voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of
yourself? This could be anything fromacne, to regrets, friends at
school or a past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel
unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
You can also tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those
points.
·
This exercise isn't meant to bring you down or to make you
realize that there was even more wrong with you than you thought. It's meant to
make you aware of the problems you're dealing with, and will put you on the
path to solving them.
4 Talk about it with friends and loved ones.
Wear it on your
sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick
fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need
to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion
and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. Just
having someone to talk to about your problems can make you feel more confident,
even if that person can't help you find a solution.[2]
·
This doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel
bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself,
your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them
as "bad".
·
Just having a friend offer you encouragement can help you feel
capable of tackling your insecurities. It'll be much harder to build up your
self-confidence if you have to be your own cheerleader all the time.
5 Bounce back from your mistakes.
Remember that
no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some
point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality.
Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure
feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood
we're in, or how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant. If
you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is to recognize it, apologize,
and make a game plan for avoiding it in the future.
·
Don't let one wrong turn make you think you don't have what it
takes to achieve your dreams.
Maybe you weren't a great boyfriend and your last relationship
ended in failure. This doesn't mean you're not capable of turning your act
around and finding love in the future.
Avoid
self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you
feel inferior — they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe
and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead,
speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do
not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so,
you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive
direction.
·
The next time you catch yourself having a negative thought,
counter it with at least two positive ones. Make a habit of this until you feel
the negative thoughts creeping out of your system.
·
When you talk to your friends, focus on making many more
positive comments than negative ones. You don't want to develop a reputation
for being a whiner, and you also will feel more positive if you talk about more
positive things.
7 Stop comparing yourself to others.
If you want to build your self-confidence, then you have to
focus on improving your own life for the better, not on making your life more
like your best friend's, your older brother's, or like those of the celebrities
you see on television. If you want to build up your confidence, then you need
to know that there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, and richer
than you, just like there will always be someone who is less attractive, less
intelligent, and less wealthy than you are; all of this is irrelevant, and what
is relevant is caring about advancing your own goals and dreams.
·
You may lack confidence because you're convinced that everyone
else has it better than you do. Forget about them! At the end of the day, it
only matters if you're happy by your own standards. If you have no idea what
those are, then it's time to do some soul searching before you move forward.
Don't roll your
eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and
respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well). Let the person giving the compliment know
that you really appreciate it, and work to reach the point where you are able
to truly accept the compliment at heart.
·
You can even write the compliment down and read it over. Let it
show you that you aren't as hopeless as you may think.
Studies
surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that
the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register
certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might
feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run. This will also
help you feel happier about your appearance, and to accept the way you look.[3]
·
There's never any harm in smiling (under the right
circumstances). Smile at strangers throughout your day and see how good it
makes both you and them feel.
3 Fake it.
Along the same
lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually
make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go
through the motions and see how you feel! Pretend that you're the most
confident person in your school; was that so hard? Is there anything from the
experience that can inform the way you live your own life? You'd be surprised
by how much stepping outside of your own mindset can help you build confidence.
Body language
can go a long way in helping you develop your confidence. Stand tall and proud
instead of hunching over, look straight ahead of you instead of at the ground,
and don't cross your arms over your chest. Keep your body active and engaged,
and you'll start to feel more confident as you go about your day and approach
others.
When you know
you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in
other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves
you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the
world — which will boost your self confidence. Find a way to make helping
others a part of your weekly routine, whether you volunteer at your local
library or you help your little sister learn to read. The act of helping will
not only benefit others, but it will build your confidence because you'll see
that you have a lot to offer.
·
You don't have to help someone in your community to feel the
benefits of helping others. Sometimes, someone close to you, such as your
mother or your best friend, will need your help as much as anyone.
It might be
tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have
anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No
matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that
from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your
ability. Be true to yourself instead of doing what other people expect, and
know that, at the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself to
feel confident.
·
Sure, you may feel a small burst of confidence from showing off
just to please others or by making fun of someone less fortunate than you, but
these are not long-term solutions for true confidence.
6 Get rid of as many sources of negativity as
you can.
Though we
can't get rid of every possible source of negativity in our lives, we can
certainly make an effort to cut down on the negativity that plagues us. Take
the time to sit down and think about all of the things that are bringing you
down, from mean friends, a career you don't much care for, or a living
situation that is almost unbearable. Though you may not be able to get rid of
every negative source in your life, you can certainly think about how to cut
your losses. This will go a long way in building your self-confidence up.[5]
·
If you have toxic friends who have been making you feel bad for
years, it's time to cut them loose.
·
If you think you lack confidence because of a large part of your
life, such as a career path that you don't really feel cut out for, then start
making a plan to change the course of your path. You may not be able to do this
instantly, but starting a plan in the right direction can make a big impact on
your self-confidence.
·
If there are certain parts of your life that you can't really
change, such as living with parents who are always nagging you, then you need
to find the best way to cope with them. You can't let these things affect your
confidence or your sense of self.
7 Make eye contact.
Making eye
contact when you talk to people can go a long way in building your
self-confidence. Doing so will make you feel like you are a valuable person who
is worth talking to, and people will respond in kind. If you look at the ground
or away when you talk to people, then you won't feel as confident in what you
are saying, and other people won't think that you're strong in your
convictions. The next time you talk to someone, make sure you look that person
in the eye as you articulate whatever you wanted to say.
·
You can break eye contact occasionally so a situation doesn't
feel too tense or uncomfortable. Just don't make a habit of it.
8 Put care into your appearance.
You don't have
to look like Brad Pitt to start building your self confidence. If you want to
feel better about who you are and how you look, then take care of yourself by
showering daily, brushing your teeth, wearing well-fitting clothes, and making
sure that you've taken time with your appearance. This doesn't mean that
superficial looks or style will make you feel more confident, but making an
effort to mind your looks tells yourself that you're worth caring about.
·
Exercise for at
least 30 minutes a day or several times a week. You'll get those endorphins
pumping and will feel better in both mind and body. Getting a perfect body
won't make you feel better about yourself, but taking the time for regular
exercise for the sake of exercise will.
·
Make sure to get around 7-9 hours of sleep every night and go to
bed and wake up around the same time. You will look and feel more fresh if you
take the time to do this.
Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from
accomplishing your goals. If you feel like everything has to be done perfectly,
then you'll never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances. Instead,
work on learning to be proud of a job well done instead of wanting everything
to be absolutely perfect. If you're in the mindset of a perfectionist, then
you'll only be getting in the way of a more confident version of yourself.
·
There's a difference between doing a sloppy job and agonizing
over something until it is past flawless. Find a way to be happy with what
you've done without obsessing over it.
A lot of the
times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not
having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation,
good luck, or money. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have,
you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that
inner peace will do wonders for your confidence. Take some time to sit and
think about all of the things you have going for you, from your wonderful
friends to your health.
·
Sit down and make a gratitude list, writing down all of the
things you are thankful for. Read it over and add to it at least once a week,
and it will put you in a more positive, empowering frame of mind.
3 Address the flaws you can address.
Of course,
there will be some things that you don't like about yourself that you simply
cannot change. However, there should be several things that you can address
with a bit of dedication and hard work. Whether you want to work on being more social
or being better in school, you can make a plan to succeed and begin to carry it
out. While you may not end up being the most social kid in school or your class
valedictorian, you can go a long way in building your self-confidence just by
making a plan to start changing for the better.
·
Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to change absolutely
everything. Start with just one or two aspects of yourself that you would like
to change, and take it from there.
·
Keeping a journal where you chart your progress in achieving
your goals can make a big difference. This will help you think about how well
your plan is working, and it can help you feel pride in the steps you have
taken.
4 Get good at something.
Another way to
build your self-confidence is simply to find something you're good at and to
keep improving at it. This could be mastering a foreign language, playing
badminton, or painting with watercolors. Whatever it is, make a habit of
spending at least a few hours a week working on getting better, and be proud of
the progress you're making. You don't have to turn into an Olympic athlete, but
if you work on being the best that you can be, you will feel
your confidence soar.
·
A lot of people have low self-confidence because they feel like
they don't stand out or don't have anything they are good at. Finding something
to master is your chance to change this feeling.
·
If you want to take it to the next level, you can even help
someone else master whatever it is that you're good at. Whether you're helping
a person learn a new yoga pose or understand the basics of writing a short
story, you'll feel good about yourself when you're teaching someone because
you'll see that you're needed.
5 Embrace the unknown.
People who lack
self-confidence worry that they'll never succeed in an unpredictable situation.
Well, it's time to stop doubting yourself and to try something completely new,
unknown, and different. Whether you're traveling to a new country with friends
or letting your cousin set you up on a date, making a habit of embracing the
unknown can help you become more comfortable in your own skin and to feel like
you're in control of your destiny — or, rather, that you're okay with not being
in control. If you find that you're able to succeed even in a situation you
didn't anticipate, then your confidence will go through the roof.
·
Spend more time with people who are adventurous and spontaneous.
You'll soon find yourself doing something unexpected and feeling better about
yourself because of it.
6 Spend time with people who make you feel
great.
Another key
part of building your confidence is being around people who also help boost you
up instead of putting you down. Surround yourself with people who compliment
you, encourage you, support you, and generally make you feel like an awesome
person. Being around these people will help you see that you have so much to
offer to the world. Making a goal of spending time with positive, encouraging
people will take you far on your quest to building self-confidence.
·
Take some time to think about which people in your life really
make you feel great. You may see that someone you know makes you feel awesome
even though you don't spend a ton of time together. Make a goal to see that
person even more, if you can, and your confidence will increase.
Another way to
build your self-confidence is to learn to live in the present. Don't spend your
time dwelling on something stupid you said a week ago or wondering if you
offended that one guy at that one party. Don't spend it worrying about what
will happen at the next party or about what you're going to wear a month from
now. Instead, work on enjoying the moment you're in, the company you keep, and
the beautiful things in front of you. Though having a game plan for life won't
hurt in moderation, life is a precious thing and you want to be able to enjoy
it to the fullest by embracing the world around you.[6]
·
Yoga and meditation can help you live in the present moment and
to get more in touch with your mind and body.
·
Whenever you catch yourself getting hung up on the past or the
future, just pinch yourself and say you'll write about it in your journal for
later. Don't let this kind of mindset take over your life, or you won't have
enough positive energy and awareness to build your self-confidence.
Tips
·
Condition yourself to talk positively about yourself. Every time
your mind wanders and say you are not apt at it, pause for a minute, undo those
negative vibes and say you can do it. At least you should make an attempt to
accomplish that daunting task. With that, you will learn more about yourself.
·
When you are feeling terribly insecure, write down your positive
traits and read them back. This feedback would give you surprising results.
·
Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you
from accomplishing your goals.
·
Exercise and eat healthily. Exercise raises endorphins and
makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way
to boost your self-confidence.
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Do not be afraid to push yourself beyond your physical or mental
limits. Such a pressure would help you see how easily things can be achieved
and thereby helps you hone skills. Step out of
your comfort zone.
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You can provide yourself with an extra dose of confidence by
using the Best Me Technique of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the
rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing the stress.
Warnings
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Don't be overly kind to everyone, usually you will end up being
taken advantage of.
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Do not mistake being loud for confidence. Some loud people cover
their insecurities. If you are happy with yourself, you are confident.
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Do not get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points.
They could turn out to be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give
you something to improve. There is no feeling like being good at something you
were really bad at.
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