638. Gain Confidence

  Gain Confidence

Three Parts:

1.       Taking Care of Yourself

2.       Honing Your Social Skills

3.       Advice for Handling Difficult Situations

Feeling down on yourself? Your sense of confidence can greatly influence how you feel about your day, your job, or your life in general. Often, improving the quality of your life is as simple as creating a more positive sense of self. See Step 1 below to get started.

Part 1 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself

1.       

1 List your strengths. This is a simple task that will help you get into a self-positive mindset, which is essential to maintaining confidence. Yes, you have flaws — everybody does — but often, a lack of confidence is the result of a lack of self-esteem. Listing the positives in your life can help you get past the minor negatives. Here's what to write:

·         List your talents or skills.

It doesn't matter if somebody else seems to be better at them than you, or if they seem like common skills. The only important thing is to acknowledge the part of yourself that whispers, “Yes, I do have that talent.” Think of everything from athletic, creative, and workplace talents to less obvious things like the ability to drive a car or ride a bicycle. Everything counts.

·         List your best personality traits

(whether or not you think anyone else would see them the same way). Maybe you are unusually sensitive, imaginative, or kind. Maybe you work hard every day and can handle a lot of punishment without complaint. Maybe you just know when to talk and when to keep quiet. Find anything about your personality that you can take pride in, and write it down.

·         Use prompts. If you are having trouble thinking of anything to write, try these triggers:

Consider what you thought you were good at when you were a young child, and write down anything you suspect you are still good at today, whether you can prove it to yourself or not. For instance, maybe you loved exploring your backyard, and now you're good at devising plans or finding lost objects.

·         Use an “either-or” structure to break traits and skills down into categories and then go from there. For example, ask yourself, “Am I more of a forgiving person, or a disciplined, stern person?” Or, “Am I more of an artistic and creative person, or an analytical and logical person?” Try to phrase each question so that there is no clear negative, and write down each answer as one of your positive qualities. If you can't decide which one matches you best, count yourself lucky and write down both.

·         Keep your list somewhere safe. Put it in a drawer or envelope, or enter it into a mobile device you carry around every day. Wherever it goes, it should be safe from prying eyes but easy for you to access when you need a boost.

           

2  Maintain your focus. Knowing that you have positive traits and qualities is a good thing, but without emphasizing and focusing on them every day, you will soon slip back into the habit of self-doubt and self-criticism.

·         Once a day, whenever you have a little bit of time to yourself, take a few minutes to review your good side and remind yourself that it is still there. You can read over your list, think through the high points of your day, meditate, or even speak aloud to yourself.

·         Keep at it. It might seem silly, but the simple act of forcing yourself to consider your positive qualities every day will help keep them firmly in your mind and increase your confidence. Before you know it, you will be comfortable with who you are and unafraid of the opinions of others, which is one of the chief qualities of a truly confident person.

           

3   Take care of yourself. Often when a person lacks confidence, the attitude toward self-maintenance boils down to “Who really cares?” The answer is: you care. Letting yourself slide on things like hygiene, health, and time management is a sure way to make your lack of self-confidence even worse, as your ideal self becomes more and more removed from your reality. By taking better care of yourself, you will be breaking the cycle and giving yourself a major confidence boost.

·         Manage your sleep schedule. A regular sleep schedule can be difficult to maintain, especially during your high school and college years. But do the best you can to be in bed at the same time every night, and up at the same time every morning. We build our waking lives around the time we spend sleeping, so the first step to organizing your day is making sure you are able to get up at the same time each morning to follow your schedule. Aim to be up at least an hour before you have to leave your home for work or school.

·         Be meticulous with hygiene. With a regular block of time each morning, it is easy to keep up with daily hygiene. By the time you are ready to step out the front door, you should be feeling more confident than usual. Keep up the routine every day to maintain that confidence.

·         Start the day with a shower to help you wake up and feel fresh. If you need to shave or wash your face, do so while you are in the shower to save time and hassle.

·         Make time for breakfast. After your shower is the best time to eat breakfast, since you can do so while partly dressed and avoid getting food on your work or school clothes.

·         Return to the bathroom to brush your teeth and floss. Apply deodorant, makeup, cologne, or any other topical product you like to wear.

·         Head to your bedroom and finish getting dressed. Wear clean clothes each day, and fold or hang your laundry to prevent wrinkles.

·         Take care of your health. Very few people are doing all they can do to stay in top physical shape. There is an entire galaxy of advice, some of it conflicting, on the best way or ways to achieve peak health, but for starters, keep these simple principles in mind:

·         Eat a bit less overall, but proportionally more whole grains and vegetables than you are used to.

·         When you are thirsty, sip water instead of other drinks.

·         Exercise every day. Both aerobic exercise and resistance training are important. If needed, you can do both kinds of exercise in your bedroom with no extra equipment by running in place or doing jumping jacks, and doing body weight resistance exercises such as crunches and push-ups.

·         Go outside for a little while every day. Even on cloudy days, the solar energy hitting your skin is beneficial to your mood and overall health.

·          

Part 2 of 3: Honing Your Social Skills

1.       

1   Control your body language. The words we say are only a sliver of the way we actually speak to one another — the vast majority of our “talking” is actually done through things like tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. People instinctively read and interpret your non-verbal cues at all times. Learn to project confidence with yours by being conscious of your body and controlling it carefully. You might be surprised to find that forcing your body, face, and voice to appear confident will genuinely increase your actual self-confidence.

·         When you walk, hold your head high and move your shoulders back. Keep your arms loose and your back straight. Don't move quickly or nervously. Take your time and feel confident in your stride, and that confidence will show.

·         Any time you catch someone's eye, smile at them. It is difficult to fake a genuine smile, and even more difficult to hide one. A genuine-looking smile starts with the eyes: if you pretend you are squinting your eyes from the bottom up, your face will naturally crease into a warm and friendly smile. Be sure to let your teeth show when you smile.

·         Speak loudly and clearly. “Loudly” doesn't mean you should yell; rather, it means you should not limit or inhibit your natural volume. To maximize the clarity of your words, speak deliberately and do not rush.

·         When you are standing or sitting, keep your body relaxed and loose. Do not tense your shoulders or cross your arms or legs. Maintain good posture: nothing says confidence like a straight back and an unbowed head.

·         Don't shy away from eye contact. Eye contact should be maintained for at least a brief second before looking away. Someone who glances away as soon as another person looks at them appears shy and ashamed, but someone who is able to meet another's gaze and acknowledge it comes off as self-assured and comfortable in his or her own skin. Remember to smile whenever you make eye contact.

           

2   Improve your conversational skills. As with physical health, pretty much everybody has room for improvement in this area. Great conversations hinge on two basic things: knowing what to say, and knowing when to listen. Both of these are skills that you can become better at with practice.

·         Cultivate your listening skills. Many people forget that a conversation is as much about listening as it is about speaking. People love talking to someone who listens a lot, and lets the focus of the conversation stay on the speaker. The next time someone tells you about their day or weekend, try listening to the whole story and asking short questions about it when you have space. Maintain plenty of eye contact and try to sound enthusiastic. You might be very surprised at how well the other person responds. This is called “active listening,” and it is a powerful tool to make new friends and strengthen current friendships.

·         Learn to talk in a way that invites the other person to talk. This sounds odd on the surface, but it is actually a very easy and effective way to promote good conversation. When you start a conversation, lead off with a question, such as “Have you ever watched such-and-such a movie” or “Do you ever go camping?” If the other person responds with a “no,” quickly finish up your own thought and try again. (For example, say “Oh, it's a great movie. You should see it sometime.”) Otherwise, follow up with a second question: “What did you think of the movie?” or, “Where do you like to go camping?” Provide a topic, and then let them talk about it first.

·         Develop well thought out opinions. It's no fun to talk with someone about, say, a book if all that person will say is “Yes, I thought it was good” or “No, I didn't like it.” A truly good conversation is predicated upon the ability of both parties to go into detail about the subject and connect it to other subjects that move the discussion along. Someone with flat, thoughtless opinions may even come off as rude and standoffish. When you speak your mind on something, be ready to back it up. Make things up on the fly if you have to, just have something to say beyond your overall assessment of the topic.

·         Keep up with current events. Glance at an online news service or skim a paper every day or two, at the very least. People love to discuss things that are happening right now. If you know what they're talking about, you can join in.

           

3   Take risks. One of the hallmarks of a confident person is that he or she is willing to take a gamble on a new situation or experience, and work out the details as they come up. This doesn't mean you have to become a thrill-seeker, but it does mean that you should let any positive impulses you have guide your actions and interactions. Remember, not everything you try will be worth doing a second time, and not everyone you meet will like you, but you won't ever know unless you put yourself in those situations.

·         If you have an impulse to go to a dance, party, or other social function, or even if you just think it might be kind of fun, don't hesitate — go for it. Drag a friend along if you can. If you feel like speaking to someone you've never met before or rarely spoken to in the past, just dive in and do it. The worst that could possibly happen is that you will not enjoy the experience, in which case you can excuse yourself and it will be over. You never know what opportunities to get to know people you might miss by giving in to your self-doubt and avoiding social situations.

·         Taking a chance can also mean removing yourself from situations that stifle your ability to be confident. Friends who nag you with constant doubts should be seen less. Bullies and others who belittle you are more difficult to manage, but try to keep your thoughts on your strengths and your eyes on what's next, rather than what's happening right now.

·         If you feel trapped in your environment, it might be time to take an even more drastic measure and go somewhere nobody knows you. Sometimes, all you need to build your confidence is a chance to show off who you are becoming to someone who won't judge you based on who you used to be. Try visiting a social or volunteer function, such as a dance or community garden day, on the other side of town or in the next town over.

Part 3 of 3: Advice for Handling Difficult Situations

1.       

1   Handling rejection: Romantic rejection stings, but for most of us, it is an unavoidable fact of life. Learn to handle it with grace and your fear of it will wither up and disappear.

·         Accept that rejection will happen. Everyone gets rejected at some point in his or her life. The fact that the vast majority of us pick up and get on with our lives afterward is a good indicator that it is a manageable eventuality, and nothing to be afraid of in and of itself.

·         Keep your words and your emotions as separate as possible. Your emotions will naturally run high when you are rejected, but there is no need to express anything more than a bit of disappointment. It won't change anything except to make the other person more upset. Go home and write down how you feel later.

·         Learn to be graceful in rejection. Smile if you can; nod and say that you understand. Joke around a bit if you prefer: “All right, but you're missing out” is an acceptable response to rejection as long as it is said jovially and not vindictively. Most importantly of all, accept when rejection happens. You should never ask more than twice. If the object of your affection says no both times, respect their decision and speak respectfully to them. You will come off as a confident, self-assured person who does not rely on the affection of others to boost his or her self-image.

·         Get your crush out of the way. At least once in a lifetime, nearly everybody makes the youthful mistake of sitting on his or her feelings for someone else until they become too overwhelming to bear, and then awkwardly asking that person to date him or her. If you have such feelings you have not expressed, now is the time to express them. You will almost invariably get rejected, but it is a necessary step. Remember, sitting around and not doing anything about your crush for the next ten years won't change anything, either, so you might as well save yourself the grief and find out where the chips will fall as soon as possible. No other rejection will be as painful as this first one; once it is done, your life will get easier.

·         Try, try again. Once you have recovered from your attachment to your last major crush, play the field. Ask out anyone who seems attractive in some way, whether or not you feel much of a spark around them. Suggest coffee or lunch – anything casual that does not require spending time around each other in silence. It is useful to ask out people you are not attached to for two reasons: first, it will give you experience with rejection in a relatively safe way. Since you haven't invested your emotions in the people who reject you, the rejections will sting a lot less and you will quickly learn not to fear them. Second, you might be pleasantly surprised by a “yes,” and get to know someone you might otherwise never have noticed.

           

2   Handling bullying: Do not accept bullying as a part of your life. Bullying is wrong and you have a right to live free of it, even if it takes talking to the boss of the boss or the principal of your school to change your situation. Rely on your parents and be persistent.

·         Sometimes, bullies can be won over or pushed back by a display of confidence, but if that doesn't work, you'll just have to tough out your time around them and seek assistance from authority figures when you can.

           

3   Handling a job interview: Confidence is king in the world of job interviews. Employers are constantly looking for someone who exudes a “can-do” aura that will naturally encourage those around them. However, because job interviews are so important, even otherwise confident people sometimes choke during them. Here are a few tips for maintaining your confidence throughout the interview.

·         Ride your nerves like a wave.

It's natural to have the jitters before a job interview. Instead of trying to suppress them, channel them into excitement. Tap your foot and nod your head instead of fidgeting with your hands. Take big, kinetic breaths. Laugh or yell out loud (assuming you aren't in the office waiting for your interview, of course). Walk quickly and boldly into the office, and smile as much as you want to. Let your nervousness serve you rather than inhibit you.

·         Maximize your body language.

Keep your shoulders thrown back and your arms wide and relaxed. Emote with your hands while you speak – don't let them fidget. Make more eye contact than you normally would. Speak clearly and loudly, and let your voice be animated. Employers are looking for excitement and enthusiasm for the position, not perfect answers to every question and a subservient demeanor.

·         Take advantage of question time.

When the interviewer asks if you have any other questions, he or she is giving you an opportunity to show your people skills and confidence. If wages, hours, and shift rotations haven't been covered, now is the time to be bold and ask about them. Try asking about the interviewer's typical experience at the job: how are the customers? Is there one task that is required more often than the others? How many hours per week do most employees get? You will not hurt your chances of getting hired by showing an interest in the job, so be as forward as you like.

·         Follow through.

Even if you are told that you will receive a call in X days, call back a few days before then and ask about the status of your application. If you don't hear from the job by the date the interviewer told you, call again and ask if a hiring decision has been made. If you are not picked for the job, be polite and move on to the next prospect. Don't dwell on what could have been. Be confident that you will get a job you want in due time.

           

4   Handling a public speech: 

There have been entire books written on the subject of preparing and delivering an effective speech, but as with most human interaction, one of the key elements of successful public speaking is confidence. Use these tips to keep your confidence as you step up to the podium or head of the classroom to deliver your speech.

·         Think about how you act when others give speeches.

Do you hang on every word and ruthlessly criticize every facet of the speaker's performance in your mind? No? Then rest assured that most other people don't, either. There is no reason to fear an audience if you have something to say and you simply stand up and say it. The only time speakers normally get a bad crowd reaction is when they lose track of what they were saying, and then draw extra attention to that fact by becoming visibly upset.

·         Make good notes.

Reading a prepared speech from a sheet of paper verbatim is tantamount to death by awkwardness for all but the most accomplished public speakers. Instead, use a crib sheet with an outline of your speech on it, or a small stack of notecards with an important point on each card. (Be sure to keep your cards in order.) The act of making the notes will also help you to more easily remember the way you want your speech to flow.

·         Ride the wave.

As with an interview, take the nervousness you feel when you step up to speak and channel it into hand movements, vocal projection, and smiling. By converting your stress into extra confidence, you will become a more captivating speaker and be able to recover from minor mistakes quickly and without embarrassing yourself.

           

5   Handling a new social environment: 

It can be very difficult to maintain confidence for some people when entering a completely new setting, such as a new high school or large workplace. Here is some advice to help you stay bold and make the kind of impression you want to make on the people around you.

·         Use your conversational skills.

The thought that everyone else knows the ropes except for you can be intimidating, but instead of worrying about it, use that fact as a starting point for active listening and question-driven conversation. When your new coworker tells you she's very fast at something, sound impressed and ask her to show you how to do it just as quickly. When you speak to a new classmate, acknowledge you are new to the school and ask him his opinion of the social scene. By letting other people feel like authorities on subjects you are interested in, you will quickly make a good impression on them.

·         Be exceptionally outgoing.

Smile and introduce yourself to everyone you meet. Go out of your way to be affable and enthusiastic right off the bat, and that is the reputation that will stick with you for the rest of your time there. It may seem difficult, but remember that nobody has formed much of an opinion of you yet, and now is the best chance you will ever have to inform the opinions they will soon have.

Tips

·         Everybody had something beautiful about them. It could simply be your eyes, hair or any other physical feature. Focus on the things you love about your self and also the inner things you love about your self and you can slowly start to build your confidence.

·         Fishing for flattering opinions is a sign of low self-confidence. Remember to focus on respecting yourself first. The opinions of others will follow in time.

·         Don't pay attention to people who continue to put you down. The best thing to do is to ignore them.

·         Try something new and you may surprise yourself with how much you enjoy it. For instance, playing an instrument, singing, or composing can help your confidence and intellectual development.

·         Body language is all-important, but there is no need to study it in meticulous detail. Embrace a few basic concepts, and your burgeoning confidence will do the rest of the work for you.

637. Develop Self Confidence

Develop   Self Confidence

Four Parts:

Changing Your Perspective

Taking Action

Continuing to Build Your Confidence

Help Building Confidence

You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize you are a human being who is worthy of respect and love. If you want to know how to start building your self-confidence today, see Step 1 to get started.

Part 1 of 3: Changing Your Perspective

1   Identify your talents. 

Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, and then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, or dance. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends.^[1]

·         If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain loveto do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take somelessons or join an enthusiasts club.

·         When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence.

2   Take pride in your good qualities. 

Not only should you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about the things that make your personality great. It can be your sense of humor, your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to cope under stress. You may not think that there's anything about your personality worth admiring, but if you dig deep, you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable qualities. Revel in them and write them down. You'll be on your way to building your self-confidence.

Whenever you feel bad about one of your weaknesses, comfort yourself by thinking about all of the positive qualities about yourself. You'll see that they far outweigh the things you are insecure about.

3   Recognize your insecurities. 

What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything fromacne, to regrets, friends at school or a past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can also tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points.

·         This exercise isn't meant to bring you down or to make you realize that there was even more wrong with you than you thought. It's meant to make you aware of the problems you're dealing with, and will put you on the path to solving them.

4   Talk about it with friends and loved ones. 

Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. Just having someone to talk to about your problems can make you feel more confident, even if that person can't help you find a solution.^[2]

·         This doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".

·         Just having a friend offer you encouragement can help you feel capable of tackling your insecurities. It'll be much harder to build up your self-confidence if you have to be your own cheerleader all the time.

5   Bounce back from your mistakes. 

Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, or how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant. If you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is to recognize it, apologize, and make a game plan for avoiding it in the future.

·         Don't let one wrong turn make you think you don't have what it takes to achieve your dreams.

Maybe you weren't a great boyfriend and your last relationship ended in failure. This doesn't mean you're not capable of turning your act around and finding love in the future.

6   Adopt a more positive mindset.

Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior — they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.

·         The next time you catch yourself having a negative thought, counter it with at least two positive ones. Make a habit of this until you feel the negative thoughts creeping out of your system.

·         When you talk to your friends, focus on making many more positive comments than negative ones. You don't want to develop a reputation for being a whiner, and you also will feel more positive if you talk about more positive things.

7   Stop comparing yourself to others. 

                        If you want to build your self-confidence, then you have to focus on improving your own life for the better, not on making your life more like your best friend's, your older brother's, or like those of the celebrities you see on television. If you want to build up your confidence, then you need to know that there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, and richer than you, just like there will always be someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, and less wealthy than you are; all of this is irrelevant, and what is relevant is caring about advancing your own goals and dreams.

·         You may lack confidence because you're convinced that everyone else has it better than you do. Forget about them! At the end of the day, it only matters if you're happy by your own standards. If you have no idea what those are, then it's time to do some soul searching before you move forward.

Part 2 of 3: Taking Action

1   Accept compliments gracefully.

Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well). Let the person giving the compliment know that you really appreciate it, and work to reach the point where you are able to truly accept the compliment at heart.

·         You can even write the compliment down and read it over. Let it show you that you aren't as hopeless as you may think.

2   Look in the mirror and smile.

 Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run. This will also help you feel happier about your appearance, and to accept the way you look.^[3]

·         There's never any harm in smiling (under the right circumstances). Smile at strangers throughout your day and see how good it makes both you and them feel.

3   Fake it. 

Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel! Pretend that you're the most confident person in your school; was that so hard? Is there anything from the experience that can inform the way you live your own life? You'd be surprised by how much stepping outside of your own mindset can help you build confidence.

Body language can go a long way in helping you develop your confidence. Stand tall and proud instead of hunching over, look straight ahead of you instead of at the ground, and don't cross your arms over your chest. Keep your body active and engaged, and you'll start to feel more confident as you go about your day and approach others.

4    Help others. 

When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world — which will boost your self confidence. Find a way to make helping others a part of your weekly routine, whether you volunteer at your local library or you help your little sister learn to read. The act of helping will not only benefit others, but it will build your confidence because you'll see that you have a lot to offer.

·         You don't have to help someone in your community to feel the benefits of helping others. Sometimes, someone close to you, such as your mother or your best friend, will need your help as much as anyone.

5   Stick to your principles.

It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability. Be true to yourself instead of doing what other people expect, and know that, at the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself to feel confident.

·         Sure, you may feel a small burst of confidence from showing off just to please others or by making fun of someone less fortunate than you, but these are not long-term solutions for true confidence.

6   Get rid of as many sources of negativity as you can.

 Though we can't get rid of every possible source of negativity in our lives, we can certainly make an effort to cut down on the negativity that plagues us. Take the time to sit down and think about all of the things that are bringing you down, from mean friends, a career you don't much care for, or a living situation that is almost unbearable. Though you may not be able to get rid of every negative source in your life, you can certainly think about how to cut your losses. This will go a long way in building your self-confidence up.^[5]

·         If you have toxic friends who have been making you feel bad for years, it's time to cut them loose.

·         If you think you lack confidence because of a large part of your life, such as a career path that you don't really feel cut out for, then start making a plan to change the course of your path. You may not be able to do this instantly, but starting a plan in the right direction can make a big impact on your self-confidence.

·         If there are certain parts of your life that you can't really change, such as living with parents who are always nagging you, then you need to find the best way to cope with them. You can't let these things affect your confidence or your sense of self.

7   Make eye contact. 

Making eye contact when you talk to people can go a long way in building your self-confidence. Doing so will make you feel like you are a valuable person who is worth talking to, and people will respond in kind. If you look at the ground or away when you talk to people, then you won't feel as confident in what you are saying, and other people won't think that you're strong in your convictions. The next time you talk to someone, make sure you look that person in the eye as you articulate whatever you wanted to say.

·         You can break eye contact occasionally so a situation doesn't feel too tense or uncomfortable. Just don't make a habit of it.

8   Put care into your appearance. 

You don't have to look like Brad Pitt to start building your self confidence. If you want to feel better about who you are and how you look, then take care of yourself by showering daily, brushing your teeth, wearing well-fitting clothes, and making sure that you've taken time with your appearance. This doesn't mean that superficial looks or style will make you feel more confident, but making an effort to mind your looks tells yourself that you're worth caring about.

·         Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day or several times a week. You'll get those endorphins pumping and will feel better in both mind and body. Getting a perfect body won't make you feel better about yourself, but taking the time for regular exercise for the sake of exercise will.

·         Make sure to get around 7-9 hours of sleep every night and go to bed and wake up around the same time. You will look and feel more fresh if you take the time to do this.

Part 3 of 3: Continuing to Build Your Confidence

1   Avoid perfectionism.

 Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. If you feel like everything has to be done perfectly, then you'll never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances. Instead, work on learning to be proud of a job well done instead of wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. If you're in the mindset of a perfectionist, then you'll only be getting in the way of a more confident version of yourself.

·         There's a difference between doing a sloppy job and agonizing over something until it is past flawless. Find a way to be happy with what you've done without obsessing over it.

2   Be thankful for what you have.

A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, or money. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence. Take some time to sit and think about all of the things you have going for you, from your wonderful friends to your health.

·         Sit down and make a gratitude list, writing down all of the things you are thankful for. Read it over and add to it at least once a week, and it will put you in a more positive, empowering frame of mind.

3   Address the flaws you can address. 

Of course, there will be some things that you don't like about yourself that you simply cannot change. However, there should be several things that you can address with a bit of dedication and hard work. Whether you want to work on being more social or being better in school, you can make a plan to succeed and begin to carry it out. While you may not end up being the most social kid in school or your class valedictorian, you can go a long way in building your self-confidence just by making a plan to start changing for the better.

·         Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to change absolutely everything. Start with just one or two aspects of yourself that you would like to change, and take it from there.

·         Keeping a journal where you chart your progress in achieving your goals can make a big difference. This will help you think about how well your plan is working, and it can help you feel pride in the steps you have taken.

4   Get good at something. 

Another way to build your self-confidence is simply to find something you're good at and to keep improving at it. This could be mastering a foreign language, playing badminton, or painting with watercolors. Whatever it is, make a habit of spending at least a few hours a week working on getting better, and be proud of the progress you're making. You don't have to turn into an Olympic athlete, but if you work on being the best that you can be, you will feel your confidence soar.

·         A lot of people have low self-confidence because they feel like they don't stand out or don't have anything they are good at. Finding something to master is your chance to change this feeling.

·         If you want to take it to the next level, you can even help someone else master whatever it is that you're good at. Whether you're helping a person learn a new yoga pose or understand the basics of writing a short story, you'll feel good about yourself when you're teaching someone because you'll see that you're needed.

5   Embrace the unknown. 

People who lack self-confidence worry that they'll never succeed in an unpredictable situation. Well, it's time to stop doubting yourself and to try something completely new, unknown, and different. Whether you're traveling to a new country with friends or letting your cousin set you up on a date, making a habit of embracing the unknown can help you become more comfortable in your own skin and to feel like you're in control of your destiny — or, rather, that you're okay with not being in control. If you find that you're able to succeed even in a situation you didn't anticipate, then your confidence will go through the roof.

·         Spend more time with people who are adventurous and spontaneous. You'll soon find yourself doing something unexpected and feeling better about yourself because of it.

6   Spend time with people who make you feel great. 

Another key part of building your confidence is being around people who also help boost you up instead of putting you down. Surround yourself with people who compliment you, encourage you, support you, and generally make you feel like an awesome person. Being around these people will help you see that you have so much to offer to the world. Making a goal of spending time with positive, encouraging people will take you far on your quest to building self-confidence.

·         Take some time to think about which people in your life really make you feel great. You may see that someone you know makes you feel awesome even though you don't spend a ton of time together. Make a goal to see that person even more, if you can, and your confidence will increase.

7   Live in the present moment. 

Another way to build your self-confidence is to learn to live in the present. Don't spend your time dwelling on something stupid you said a week ago or wondering if you offended that one guy at that one party. Don't spend it worrying about what will happen at the next party or about what you're going to wear a month from now. Instead, work on enjoying the moment you're in, the company you keep, and the beautiful things in front of you. Though having a game plan for life won't hurt in moderation, life is a precious thing and you want to be able to enjoy it to the fullest by embracing the world around you.^[6]

·         Yoga and meditation can help you live in the present moment and to get more in touch with your mind and body.

·         Whenever you catch yourself getting hung up on the past or the future, just pinch yourself and say you'll write about it in your journal for later. Don't let this kind of mindset take over your life, or you won't have enough positive energy and awareness to build your self-confidence.

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Tips

·         Condition yourself to talk positively about yourself. Every time your mind wanders and say you are not apt at it, pause for a minute, undo those negative vibes and say you can do it. At least you should make an attempt to accomplish that daunting task. With that, you will learn more about yourself.

·         When you are feeling terribly insecure, write down your positive traits and read them back. This feedback would give you surprising results.

·         Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.

·         Exercise and eat healthily. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.

·         Do not be afraid to push yourself beyond your physical or mental limits. Such a pressure would help you see how easily things can be achieved and thereby helps you hone skills. Step out of your comfort zone.

·         You can provide yourself with an extra dose of confidence by using the Best Me Technique of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing the stress.

Warnings

·         Don't be overly kind to everyone, usually you will end up being taken advantage of.

·         Do not mistake being loud for confidence. Some loud people cover their insecurities. If you are happy with yourself, you are confident.

·         Do not get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points. They could turn out to be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give you something to improve. There is no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.