P.D.
– 2 ASSERTIVENESS
Real
assertiveness doesn’t happen overnight.
Ability is the ability to express yourself and your rights without
violating the rights of others.
Assertiveness
does not come from a textbook, seminar, or self-help book: real assertiveness
is born within.
You
either have it or you don’t.
A
good look in the mirror is the first step toward assertiveness.
How
do you resolve conflicts ?
Are
you quick to anger, or do you stand by, afraid to make waves ?
One’s
philosophy is not best expressed in words, it is expressed in the choices one
makes…In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the coices we make are ultimately our
responsibility. (E. Roosevelt)
Success
breeds success.
Living
assertively can also benefit our health.
Applying
some basic learning principles will help you to develop and maintain assertive
behaviours as you combat old behaviour patters.
Attitudes
I
am helpless when it comes to taking action that promotes change.
I don’t
like risk-taking it scares me.
I’d
rather let somebody else be the leader. I’m a good follower.
What
other people think is more important than what I think.
It’s
better to put up with things than rock the boat .
If
I ask for what I want people will think I’m selfish.
It’s
better to be liked than speak up and be seen as a troublemaker.
Your
thoughts and attitudes alone can perpetuate non-assertive behaviour.
Behaviour
Learning
new behaviours involves at least these four steps:
1. Description
or modeling of the behaviour
2.
Practicing the new behaviour
3.
Reinforcing the desired behaviour and
4. Receiving
accurate, rapid feedback.
Assertive
behaviour is likely to have positive consequences.
When you assert
yourself, you will feel more in control of your life and less helpless and
frustrated.
*
Consider your thoughts and attitudes about being assertive, which ones
encourage and support an assertive image or yourself?
*
Are you avoiding assertion because you fear disastrous consequences?
*
Be aware of the situations and people that have influenced you to be passive in
the past and use them as reminders to be assertive in the future.
*
Practice new behaviours that result in positive consequences.
*
Stay away from people who punish your attempts to be assertive.
*
Seek out people who reward your assertive attempts with positive feedback.
Assertiveness:
*
is very different from aggression
*
is strongly associated with a sense of self-worth
*
can benefit every aspect of our lives, including our health.
To activate
inner wisdom during times of pain or pressure, you must slow down. Take time to be alone, take a walk, meditate
, listen to calming music and breathe deeply and slowly. You may even practice deep muscle relaxation.
*
am I willing to listen to my heart,
*
am I willing to lose the approval of others
*
am I willing to give up my addiction
*
am I willing to go through any awkwardness
*
am I willing to choose assertions
*
am I willing and ready to trust myself?
Different attitudes:
*
Doormat type
* Indirect
type
*
Aggressive type
*
assertive type
*
knife type
*
box type
*
scent type
As
you grow in assertiveness, you’ll find that your inner process will give you
the sensitivity and clarity you need to be an assertive.
*
create quiet time
*
risk vulnerability
*
open to inner wisdom
*
trust answers from within
*learn
to laugh at Ms protecto
*
let go of emotional addictions
*
look for and develop self-approval
*
live without negative self labels
*
focus on being –not doing and having
*
be responsible for creating choices
Assertive communication –
six techniques
1. Behaviour rehearsal practicing how you want to look and sound.
2. Repeated
assertion – use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the
issue.
3. Fogging
- to do this you need to acknowledge the
criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the
judge of your choice of action.
4. Negative
enquiry – to do this effectively you
need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those
criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information
if it is manipulative
5.
Negative assertion – you should accept
your errors or faults, but not apologise.
6. You
can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your
personal feelings of self-respect.
Assertiveness is a useful
communication tool.
Empowering
yourself to be assertive:
Your
mind is one of the most powerful forces on earth. It can be your strongest ally
or your worst enemy.
The
more detailed your goal, the better and faster it can be achieved.
Empower yourself to work on a particular goal in
becoming more assertive.
An
affirmation is a spoken and written declaration of something you want, phrased
as if it were already happening.
Don’t pressure yourself for
instant results.
Affirmations
for an assertive person:
* I
am becoming an assertive from inside out
* I
am dissolving the barriers to my self-expression
* I
feel more powerful
* I
communicate more clearly and effectively
* I
handle confrontations with greater ease
* I
express my enthusiasm and joy more freely and fully
* I
am becoming stronger and more courageous
* I
am more and more pleased with who I am
* I
am taking charge of my life
* I
can create love, success and happiness for myself
The best way to protect his
or her rights is to use them.
When
a direct answer is given, acknowledge the answer with a ‘thank you for telling
me.
“ I am sorry, but…..”
Was
the apology legitimate and appropriate ?
Did
you feel compelled to apologize ?
Did
you apologize for something even though you had nothing to be sorry about ?
When a direct answer is
given, acknowledge the answer with a “Thank you for telling me.”
The expression of assertion
1. You always take the lead in your relationships
with others.
2. Friends are telling you that you are
defensive or argumentative.
3. It is more important that you get what
you want in the end than it is to go along
with what others want.
4. To describe you as a ‘ fist in a velvet
glove’ would be about right.
5. you crave being the centre of
attention.
6. Because of assertiveness with different
people, donot seem to want to see as much
of you as before.
