23 - How to Introduce People
Introducing people is both an art and a means of
ensuring good manners. A good introduction can get people off to a great
conversational start and can help ease any discomfort or unease at meeting for
the first time. And to think all that power is in your hands! Here is how to
introduce people effectivel
Understand the purpose of
introducing people. Introducing people is a basic means to give two
people an opportunity to get to know one another. Your role in introducing is
to clarify the basics of who each person is, and any relationship they have to
you. You might also need to help the conversation flow just after introducing but only briefly.
o
Avoid breaking into a serious conversation to make an introduction.
Wait until it is more convenient.
Work out who has the greater rank
or authority of the two people you are about to introduce. If you
don't already know this, you'll need to hazard an educated guess on the spot.
o
Your boss will usually be of greater rank or authority than your
colleague, partner, or best friend.
o
Your senior colleague takes precedence over your junior colleague.
o
Great age takes precedence over most rank or authority, out of courtesy
and respect.
o
All other things being equal, the person you've known the longest
should be named first: introduce your junior friend to your senior friend.
o
For social introductions, men are usually introduced to women, as a
sign of respect. This does not apply in a business context where women hold
senior positions.
o
Make a
formal introduction. For a formal occasion, the following approach is
appropriate. Use the phrase "May I present", "I'd like to
introduce", or "Have you met".
Name the
person of greater rank or authority first.
Use both first
and last names, and include any title such as "Dr./Sir". If your
spouse has a different last name from yours, clarify this.
Include
relevant details as you introduce the two together, such as any established
relationship you have with the person you're introducing. For example, you
might say: "May I present Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. He is my boss."
Make an
informal introduction. For a less formal occasion, such as your backyard barbecue, you can simply present both
people to one another by name: "Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet."
First names
only is fine in informal situations.
Do not
repeat names or reverse the introduction. In both formal and informal
cases, you do not need to reverse the introductions. It's obvious to both parties
who is whom. Unless, of course, you sense that one party was not listening and looks decidedly uncomfortable!
Make a
group introduction. In this case, you will need to spend a little time
introducing the newcomer to each individual of the group unless it's a small,
informal group where a general introduction would suffice and it's neither
time-consuming nor disruptive to name each member of the group while you have
the group's attention.
For more
formal, larger groups, introduce the newcomer to the whole group first, then
take the newcomer to each person and introduce by name: "Caroline, this is
Fitzwilliam, my boss; Lydia, this is Fitzwilliam, my boss," etc. Continue
working your way around the group in this manner.
Try to help initiate their
conversation if they both seem unable to pick up the threads and converse after
your introduction. The best way to help out is to mention something that
is common ground between them: "Elizabeth, have you met Fitzwilliam? I
believe you both share a love of reading Jane Austen while walking on the
moors."
o
If helping with the conversation, never make the mistake of
leaving out one of the introduced parties from the conversation. It's impolite
and akin to giving someone the cold shoulder.
Tips
- Methods of introducing to avoid include:
Using
"should" or "must" in your introduction. This can easily
come across as pushy, bossy, and impolite. For example, avoid saying "You
must meet", "You should get to know one another", or "You
must have lots to talk about" (how could you possibly assume that?!).
Equally,
saying something that requires an action such as shaking hands is also crossing
the line of politeness, for example, stating: "Please shake hands with".
Using
"This is" when introducing can be a little too informal, and doesn't
convey the import of the introduction for a formal occasion.
Forcing
someone to meet when they have already made it clear to you that they're not
keen to meet the other person. Don't act as rift-healer or belittle their
concerns—their desire to not be introduced is their own issue.
Responses to
being introduced should be simple, such as "hello", or "nice to
meet you" or "Elizabeth has told me so much about you". Avoid
any gushing or flowery language that can appear insincere or old-fashioned.
Peggy Post says that "exaggerated praise is likely to be a turnoff."
Warnings
- It is important to note that there are cultural, societal and regional variations when it comes to introducing people. For example, the advice in this article has been based on the American expectations, whereas the video has a British approach. While very similar, there are nuances that you might wish to find out about if you are in unfamiliar territory. In a similar vein, there will be differences between business and social introductions, where some conventions that apply to one situation do not apply to the other.
- If you forget someone's name, don't fudge it. Simply admit that the person's name has "escaped your memory" for the moment; be humble!
- Subjects to avoid raising in an introduction include divorce, bereavement, job loss, illness, etc.[2] Topics like these leave everyone feeling uncomfortable and unsure of what to say next.
Things You'll Need
Knowledge of the rank or authority
Knowledge of possible common ground
between the parties
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